yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She even gives head with a lisp.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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