Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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