and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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