I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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