I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
