one two three fourrrrnication!
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
