i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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