it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
