I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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