I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
please don't ironically join a cult
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