Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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