My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
