First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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