Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
