Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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