Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
