I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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