dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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