you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
