Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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