nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
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It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
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You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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