The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
