I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
