there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
