She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
