Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
