bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
