are you still at the devil's house?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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