maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
