he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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