Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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