Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
