I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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