Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
