White coat. Heels.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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