wakey wakey hands off snakey
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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