His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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