Whod you bang
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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