dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
