dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
