I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize