At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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