Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
