She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
