I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
