The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
