I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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