Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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