Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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