So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize