If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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