i was rollin on her like bob the builder
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
