Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
