Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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