Someone shit on the floor
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
