**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
