if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
