Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
