Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
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I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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