Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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