he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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