why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
