the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
