why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize