mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
