If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
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