dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
