Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
