the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
