Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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