By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
