Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
