Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
