Someone shit on the floor
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
