did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
